i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
