I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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