it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
