ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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