I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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