I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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