you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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