Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
