oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
