the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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