Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
