Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
