you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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