I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
