My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
