I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
