I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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