if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
