I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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