dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
