apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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