I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
