i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
