Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
