i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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