I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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