It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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