So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
