youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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