her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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