SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
