sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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