so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize