You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
