U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
