The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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