My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
