Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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