Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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