Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need moral support for this bender
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize