she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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