corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
