Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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