My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
