Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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