Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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