Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
