I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
