idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
