One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
