proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
