so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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