dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
