Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
