I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
