I wannas sexs uuuuu
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
two words: eviction party
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
