But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
