I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
