Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i have two assholes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
