the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
