New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
