there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
soo... how was my night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
