So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
