people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
