Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
