Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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