I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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