Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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