Christians are straight up FREAKS
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me I should be a condom model.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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