she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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