Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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