Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
