You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
